turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
