I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
