I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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