Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
