I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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