Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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