I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
