so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
