you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
