did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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