Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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