im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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