You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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