He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
