I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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