we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
