I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
