omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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