There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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