Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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