yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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