Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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