P.S. I can't hear my feet
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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