don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
