I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
