One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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