somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Randomize