Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
