they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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