we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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