I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i out mim tonsoeep
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