Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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