the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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