he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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