Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
