We won't sleep together?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
