I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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