So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize