gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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