Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
