i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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