Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
