I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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