just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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