I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
