If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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