what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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