I wannas sexs uuuuu
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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