I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
