i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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