Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
