I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
sex in a hospital.. check
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
