Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
