your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
