is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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