two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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