Don't you send me to vm
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
