Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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