I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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