The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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