I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
