$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize