that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
