Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
