so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
