I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
