She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
