Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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