I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Randomize
