She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
