Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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