my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
