I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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