got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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