Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
