I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
