I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
