Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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