Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
MIDGETS
????
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
