I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
