Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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